Every couple of weeks Tressie Lockwood and I get the urge to dance it out. It is just one of the ways that we shake of the stress of our hectic writing schedules. Last night was one of those nights and while we were dancing the author in us caused us to observe the crowd. We called it the mating rituals in a club and here is what we found.
They Hunt in Packs…
Both men and women take on a pack mentality when out in a club. Women group together and dance while the men drink and watch they pack they want to hunt. After enough ego boosting from friends one male will approach the women and make at attempt while the rest watch in breathless aniticipation. He could either be accepted as a potential dance partner or be given the look of disgust and set on his way. If he is accepted the rest of the men use this as a signal that they too can approach and try their luck.
Goldilocks Syndrome…
As the crowd thickens mot women find they suffer from the goldilocks syndrome. The potential mate factor is slim and just like the porridge was too hot, too cold, and just right. They find the most of the guys there are too young or to old and very few are just right.
Don’t Wear Loud Golf Pants To Party
While there we saw an older man who was wearing bright yellow and blue diamond checkered golf pants. Why didn’t his friends warn him that this was a social clubbing no-no? But then I figured it out it was a way to thin the herd so to speak because while no sober woman would approach him, his friends could then have more potential mates to socialize with. In essence he was sacrificed so that they others could survive the night. The needs of the many outweighed the needs of the one. His butt got screwed over, I hope next week they let one of the other guys wear the ugly pants.
The Dumb and The Dumber Influenced by Alcohol
As the night progressed and the more drinks consumed, one find that the intelligence level that most people began the night with has diminished. Men start preening like peacocks and doing dumb stuff to attract women i.e. posing and showing muscles that aren’t there, slam dancing in a huge crowd. Hitting on another guys woman and almost getting punched in the face. Doing the vogue and other 80s dances while approaching obviously horrified women. The list could go on let me tell you, but the spaz attack of insane dancing eventually makes the crowd move away from said drunk fool and he finds himself alone. Poor poor pussycat.
Women approach very differently, in fact they are uncomfortably friendly and touchy feely. The hug and try to lay their head on your shoulder. They dance with you and you don’t know who the hell they are and by the end of the night you feel as if you have to sneak away in case they follow you home. But instead you find the wing woman they showed up with making out with a dude in a corner and you hand over said drunk friend and calmly exit…stage left.
Your Knee Dance Is Not Cute I Don’t Care How drunk You Are.
We’ve seen this little occurrence a few times, men who approach with one foot extended and bent while trying to shimmy their hips. Myself and Tressie has named this the Knee Dance. Do you like my knee? There it is, look at it shaking at you, yeah it’s a hot knee you know you want it. Come-on over and dance with me and my knee. While you stare with your mouth open in horror, he actually thinks this is interest and approaches while you keep backing away. No sir, your knee is not interesting and I would like you to leave me alone. Good night…I said goodnight!
Jello shots and Tongues is like Catnip
Finally there is the jello shots made in cherry, lime, orange and some blue thing. They are served in little cups and the only way to get them out if to use your tongue. Uh-huh you knew what you were doing when you created them that way Mr. Bartender. For this is the catnip of the club. When using your tongue to take a yummy jello shot from its container men flock and almost stampede to be closer to said person. The look on their faces is priceless. Ooooh expert tongue, can I...would you let me?…oh no awww man can you at least eat another one so I can watch. I think the jello shot are the culmination of the night and deserves three cheers for the taste alone. The drooling guy who needs a bib from watching you… Well he’s just a bonus that says you still got the moves.
All in all going out on Saturday night with a great friend or a girl’s night does give you some insights on the mating rituals of a club. But most of all you have so much fun dissecting it with your BFF. We laughed our butts off the entire night. Even walking back to where we started at Cosmos to catch a cab back home we literally laughed until we cried. Uptown Charlotte is packed on Friday and Saturday nights and it’s always so friendly you don’t feel any fear of being out late. I hailed a cab like an old New York Pro and we headed back to our little suburbia neighborhood. Of course we’ll be back there to dance and see more crazy antics. Each time we head out its different and we can talk about it for weeks. Grab a few girlfriends and head out for a night of fun and get in your own observations. I would love to hear about it sometime. To the Bartenders at Prohibition…you guys rock and the red headed sluts shots were off the chain good!
Hugs and Jello Shots!!
